last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
