we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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