I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
