Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are the jesus of drinking
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
