I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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