She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
