standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize