Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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