yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
did you just send me my own nude
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
