Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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