She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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