Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
