I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
