how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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