Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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