dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
