I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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