And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my fart just growled at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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