One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
