So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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