He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
