Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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