mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
