I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
