Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
