how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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