i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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