did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
