I want to walk on stilts...naked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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