I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
