I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
