Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
