I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
