how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
