Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize