That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
