You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
