Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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