I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
