it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
