I am spending my child support on dildos
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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