I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your penis caused this!
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