i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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