He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
