That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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