Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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