Say something about gay babies.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
