I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
