grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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