the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
