The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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