She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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