Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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