Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
