can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm bleeding and have questions
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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