We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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