Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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