I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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