i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this boner is exhausting
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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