Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
