dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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