thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
