Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
