$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
