areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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