Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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