I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
