I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
