I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
