so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
