My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
