drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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