That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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