Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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