I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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