I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dick has a subreddit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
