So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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