I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
