from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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