yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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